Choice My Life
This morning I woke up with a gun to my ass
I had to make a choice to give in to the demands of the gunner and become his victim or to die
In this situation fear is your friend and your enemy
Fear shouts do not die but live
Fear fights to keep me alive
But does fear have my best interest at heart
Living may not be the best choice because
I would become his victim for life
Once my gunner knows that he has me under his gun then
I am his play toy and play thing for life
I would be his more than his victim
I would be his rectum for him to fucked me at will
They say that your life flashes before you
But so did my ass
The pain of being mechanically digitally molested was too much to swear
I could hear his violent calls to give in to me and give me what I want
The fucker repeated calls that I am nothing I am nobody I am shit
I began to say them to myself
I am nothing
I am nobody
I am shit
And I added my own newer but familiar ones
Nobody cares for me
I am a loser
I am worthless
I am undeserving of love and happiness
But deep within me
The Moon the Sun and Venus gave off a glint of light
Four planets made themselves in a square or mutable cross
Time for me to grow or die
I choice to die
To just die
To die to fear
To die to unwanted demands
To die to others bullshit
To die from just making it
To die to just getting along
To die to the thoughts and opinions of others
To die to working all day
To die from being tired of working all day
To die from not believing in myself
To die from helping others who take and never give
To die from being nice
To die from holding myself back
To die from ass kissing
To die from giving up my power and authority to others
To die from wanting to be liked
To die from not loving and respecting myself
Deep with me Saturn the father of time was in opposition to my heart
Because my time had come to its end
Because through my death comes new life
Because through my death comes a new start
Because through my death comes a new beginning
Comes a deepening and satisfied feeling of what do I value
Comes a deepening and satisfied feeling of where I am
Comes a deepening and satisfied feeling of self-love and wholly self-worth
